There is a Steven Leeds that owns the website StevenLeeds.com, and that Steven Leeds is not me! That Steven Leeds ignored the very generous offer I made him for the site. This made me pretty upset, cause this .net shit is pretty lame. Did I mention there is not even a single page on the site. So instead of seeing the sometimes hilarious offerings of this Steven Leeds, you are subjected to look at Danica Patrick’s ugly mug pimping Godaddy.com ads.
This article is not about complaining, its about what will happen if Steven Leeds does not sell me the site.
I will ruin this name for you, me, and every Steven Leeds in the world. Don’t test me, I have nothing left to lose. I will burn the name down and piss on the ashes. First, I’d get a movement going to start calling cocaine, “Steven Leeds.” In the beginning, it may not seem that bad. Maybe one of your friends overhears a hot girl saying she was, “up all night blowing Steven Leeds.” In that situation, you would probably seem like the man, but it’s more likely gonna be some crackhead with lip soars and a unhealthy Beiber obsession that gets overheard saying it. That’s gonna be a pretty shitty situation for you Steven. Think of your friends any family.
If that doesn’t scare you, how about this. I’ll do something so horrible and horrific that you can’t go anywhere for the next thirty years without being asked “Are you the Steven Leeds that did that thing to the cat?” I’ll do the jail time, that’s how important this is to me. You could be saying, “I live in the middle of the country, where no one will very hear that plan and then the joke will be on you” Well, the joke is already on me you asshole! This is some real “cutting my nose to spite my face” type shit going on up in here.
You can always just sell me the site. It really comes down to who you want to be confused for? Steven Leeds the comedian or Steven Leeds the cat rapist? I know neither sound like a great option right now, but it’s one or the other. Do the right thing! I really don’t want to write another article detailing the ways in which I will ruin our name, and especially don’t want to do anything involving cocaine or making love to a cat. That’s not the type of site I have planned for StevenLeeds.com