“I have never been so angry at a song that I have felt the need to raise my fist in vengeful violence” – Nelson Mandela or Jesus.  I believe this misquote refers to “fist pumping” and the action known only as “beating up” the beat.

The only explanation for “beating up” the beat is simple.   The beat abused Ronnie as a child!  Ronnie is the nephew of  the beat (on his mother’s side) and every New Year’s Eve the beat would stay at Ronnie’s house.  The family never talked about it, but you can see it on Ronnie’s face.  That’s why he starts throwing his fists like an asshole when the flashing lights of the disco ball combine with the beat.  It reminds him of the abuse.  There’s not enough Axe body spray in the world to cover up that shame.

Some people may say I am not qualified to make these statements, they are called professionals.  I respond to that by saying, I recently watched a Law and Order: SVU Marathon on USA, so I’m kind of an expert.  Ronnie didn’t hang out with The Situation as much because he had a different afternoon schedule.  Ronnie couldn’t Gym, Tan, Laundry because he had to do Steroids, Tanning, Disco or STD’s.  Ronnie’s goal in Miami was to get as many STD’s as possible during the taping of the show.  This along with the blackout drinking and womanizing of grenades is more than enough evidence to suggest that something happened to Ronnie.

If you or a family member looks like your training to fight Floyd Mayweather Jr. when your in the club, it’s time to get help.  If you think the combination of tanning oil and Axe bodyspray are irresistible or not to be resisted, it’s time to get help.  If you have a shirt before the shirt, call fucking “smushing” or  if your favorite food is ecstasy sprinkled with creatine, well you get the idea.   That being said, I can’t wait for next season.